My Shy Girl

As soon as Kaia was born,
I knew that she was different than me.
She had blond hair, blue eyes, and looked just like my father-in-law!
She was an Anthes baby through-and-through.

As she’s gotten older I noticed we have a lot more in common.
She loves impressions.
She can pick up and emulate a person’s tone and inflection better than most adults,
so for a four-year old,
I’m calling her a prodigy.
She has a very silly side.
She’ll start talking like Adam Sandler using Billy Madison’ gibberish.
(No, she has not seen that movie.)

She laughs at my jokes (more than my other kids),
loves when I’m being silly,
and gets into fits of precious belly laughs that could seriously bring world peace to all.
She loves to cuddle.
As soon as I sit in a chair, she sprints over to my lap.
If she were a dog, she would pee all over me to mark her territory.
I love her. SO. much.
And she loves me so much it makes her sad when she has to share me with her brothers and sisters,
which unfortunately means that she gets sad and mad at mommy a lot.
I see this expression regularly.

This picture was taken when she was two,
but she still makes this face when she’s upset.

She’s such a big girl now that she’s in preschool.
She’s grown up so much I want to freeze time.
Sometimes I catch myself while she is sitting on my lap,
looking down at her face,
and from a certain angle,
I can see it-
her baby face.
It’s still there.
The chubby curve of her pink cheek.
The fine baby hair that surrounds her face and is still too short to be pulled into her braid or ponytail.
She will always be my baby,
but soon I won’t even be able to see this glimpse of her baby face,
because she won’t want to sit on my lap anymore.
I’ve got to soak it in while I can get it.
I’ve enjoyed seeing her grow this year.
Preschool has been AMAZING for her.
She’s learned so much,
She will be ahead of the game in Kindergarten…

I just registered her for Kindergarten,
which seems so strange when I still have a child in KG.
At the beginning of the year when Kaia started preschool,
she ran right into her classroom
and there wasn’t a single tear from her-
she wasn’t phased at all that we were leaving her in a new place without her brother or sister tagging along.
This is how she marched into her classroom on the first day of school…

… like she OWNED it.

She was excited to have something to call her own.
Her school.
So I never thought she would struggle with being shy or making friends.
I was wrong.
I’ve had the opportunity to go to two of her school holiday parties
and one of her classmate’s birthday party…
I have the quiet girl.
She doesn’t say a word… unless prompted by the teacher.

At first I just thought she was being a good listener in school.

But after watching her at her classmate’s birthday party,
I realized that she is painfully shy…
or maybe it was just painful for me to watch,
and she’s perfectly comfortable being shy.

(We even had the class pet, Spot, with us, which I thought would help her become the instant hit at the party… more about our adventures with Spot to come in another post.)

I was the only parent that had to walk with her onto the field at the b-day party.
… it took a long time for her to even walk out to the middle of the field to join in the fun games.

She did eventually join in,
but she would still be quiet…
occasionally, I would catch her smile and it looked like she was having fun.

But then she would stop all of a sudden and run back to me.

She is very happy at school, but

lately, she’s made fleeting comments that certain girls in class don’t like her.
All of the friends that she plays with are boys.
(Which I noticed at the b-day party that she seemed the most comfortable with the boys in her class).
When those boys aren’t in school for some reason,
she says she has no one to play with.


It kills me.

I want her to be her crazy, silly self.
I want her to feel comfortable going up to the other kids in class,
and showing her true colors.

Why in the world should she hold back as a four-year old?

Why in the world would the other four-year old girls
already start creating cliques?
Isn’t that a little YOUNG to be starting that?!

Why in the world did the girls in her class decide they weren’t going to like her.
Is it superficial- her clothes?  Her hair?
Is it because she gets attention from the boys in class?
Surely, the other girls can’t be feeling jealousy about that at this age- can they?
Or is it just because Kaia is shy and doesn’t go out of her way to play with those girls?

I feel helpless.

I just want to take care of my little blond-haired babydoll.

I want her to be happy…
to be confident…
to have friends…
and to realize how special she is.

… we all see it…

… Lord, help me prove it to her.

6 thoughts on “My Shy Girl

  1. D.. This had me in tears reading this. Noone can prepare us to for the actual pain we feel for them. We so desire for them to see all of the wonderful qualities in themselves that we see! I pray for you, for me and for many of our friends as we strive to raise happy, healthy, well-adjusted children that love the Lord and are proud of who they are! Keep up the good work girl!Jessica

  2. So, this made me cryyyyy. This motherhood stuff is so rough sometimes, friend. But if there is one thing that I know deep down in my heart it is that with an awesome momma like YOU, she KNOWS and believes all of those things. Praying for you both!! XOXOXO

  3. Steph, it sure is rough! Thank you for your vote of confidence and prayers! I appreciate it and we need to get the kiddoes together again soon!

  4. I just found your blog via a comment on YHL, and I'd like to offer some help. I'm no expert, but I can give one or two suggestions from my own experience as a painfully shy girl. Since Kaia is young, now would be a wonderful time to set her up for a successful social life by making her comfortable with other kids one-on-one. If you can, try to reach out to parents of other girls in the class and set up play dates outside of school. I would emphasize that you try to do this with several different kids, not just one or two, so that she can get used to different personalities, like one would face in the real world and like she would when she starts going to a different school. I went through exactly what Kaia did when I was her age, and it can be so difficult to make friends when the kids around you are grouped together and catching onto it so much easier. If Kaia can learn how to talk to other kids one-on-one, I feel that it would instill the confidence in her to approach groups at school and associate herself with the other kids. Just socialize your daughter as much as you possibly can and familiarize her with different types of people, and I think it will go a long way towards helping her get past her shyness. Best of luck! –Nicole

  5. Nicole, thank you so much for your tips! We have had play dates with some of the boys in her class and one other girl in class (lunch after her preschool ends at noon). I do think it's helping and I will definitely try to continue these play dates! I think having her sandwiched in between Aidan and Addi, we always just assumed they were getting so much socialization with each other, their cousins, and the other kids at daycare- that we didn't think we had to put too much more effort into it. Parenthood is a never-ending lesson! Thanks again and I hope you continue to visit my blog!

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