As soon as Kaia was born,
I knew that she was different than me.
She had blond hair, blue eyes, and looked just like my father-in-law!
She was an Anthes baby through-and-through.
As she’s gotten older I noticed we have a lot more in common.
She loves impressions.
She can pick up and emulate a person’s tone and inflection better than most adults,
so for a four-year old,
I’m calling her a prodigy.
She has a very silly side.
She’ll start talking like Adam Sandler using Billy Madison’ gibberish.
(No, she has not seen that movie.)
She laughs at my jokes (more than my other kids),
loves when I’m being silly,
and gets into fits of precious belly laughs that could seriously bring world peace to all.
She loves to cuddle.
As soon as I sit in a chair, she sprints over to my lap.
If she were a dog, she would pee all over me to mark her territory.
I love her. SO. much.
And she loves me so much it makes her sad when she has to share me with her brothers and sisters,
which unfortunately means that she gets sad and mad at mommy a lot.
I see this expression regularly.
This picture was taken when she was two,
but she still makes this face when she’s upset.
She’s such a big girl now that she’s in preschool.
She’s grown up so much I want to freeze time.
Sometimes I catch myself while she is sitting on my lap,
looking down at her face,
and from a certain angle,
I can see it-
her baby face.
It’s still there.
The chubby curve of her pink cheek.
The fine baby hair that surrounds her face and is still too short to be pulled into her braid or ponytail.
She will always be my baby,
but soon I won’t even be able to see this glimpse of her baby face,
because she won’t want to sit on my lap anymore.
I’ve got to soak it in while I can get it.
I’ve enjoyed seeing her grow this year.
Preschool has been AMAZING for her.
She’s learned so much,
She will be ahead of the game in Kindergarten…
I just registered her for Kindergarten,
which seems so strange when I still have a child in KG.
At the beginning of the year when Kaia started preschool,
she ran right into her classroom
and there wasn’t a single tear from her-
she wasn’t phased at all that we were leaving her in a new place without her brother or sister tagging along.
This is how she marched into her classroom on the first day of school…
… like she OWNED it.
She was excited to have something to call her own.
So I never thought she would struggle with being shy or making friends.
I was wrong.
I’ve had the opportunity to go to two of her school holiday parties
and one of her classmate’s birthday party…
I have the quiet girl.
She doesn’t say a word… unless prompted by the teacher.
At first I just thought she was being a good listener in school.
But after watching her at her classmate’s birthday party,
I realized that she is painfully shy…
or maybe it was just painful for me to watch,
perfectly comfortable being shy.
(We even had the class pet, Spot, with us, which I thought would help her become the instant hit at the party… more about our adventures with Spot to come in another post.)
I was the only parent that had to walk with her onto the field at the b-day party.
… it took a long time for her to even walk out to the middle of the field to join in the fun games.
She did eventually join in,
but she would still be quiet…
occasionally, I would catch her smile and it looked like she was having fun.
But then she would stop all of a sudden and run back to me.
She is very happy at school, but
lately, she’s made fleeting comments that certain girls in class don’t like her.
All of the friends that she plays with are boys.
(Which I noticed at the b-day party that she seemed the most comfortable with the boys in her class).
When those boys aren’t in school for some reason,
she says she has no one to play with.
It kills me.
I want her to be her crazy, silly self.
I want her to feel comfortable going up to the other kids in class,
and showing her true colors.
Why in the world should she hold back as a four-year old?
Why in the world would the other four-year old girls
already start creating cliques?
Isn’t that a little YOUNG to be starting that?!
Why in the world did the girls in her class decide they weren’t going to like her.
Is it superficial- her clothes? Her hair?
Is it because she gets attention from the boys in class?
Surely, the other girls can’t be feeling jealousy about that at this age- can they?
Or is it just because Kaia is shy and doesn’t go out of her way to play with those girls?
I feel helpless.
I just want to take care of my little blond-haired babydoll.
I want her to be happy…
to be confident…
to have friends…
and to realize how special she is.
… we all see it…
… Lord, help me prove it to her.